toilet training without tears: a gentle guide for parents

Toilet training can feel like a big milestone – and in many ways, it is. Around the age of two, toddlers are starting to flex their independence: pulling on their own socks, brushing their teeth (with varying success), opening doors, and yes, sometimes throwing a tantrum or two.

Learning to use the toilet is one of the first times they’ll truly have control over their body – and that can be exciting, messy, and a little overwhelming all at once.

Here’s the good news: there’s no “right” way or “perfect” age to toilet train. Every child is different. What matters most is your child’s readiness and your calm, supportive approach.

Is my child ready for toilet training?

Signs your little one might be ready:

• They’re between 20 months and three years old.

• They tell you when they’ve done a wee or a poo.

• They notice when they’re wet or soiled.

• They show curiosity about the toilet (watching you, asking questions, or wanting to copy).

Typically, toddlers gain bowel control first, then daytime bladder control, and finally night-time dryness. Summer is often a good time to start – fewer clothes to deal with, and it’s easier if accidents happen outside.

The parent mindset: stay calm, stay kind

Toilet training isn’t just about your child being ready – it’s about you being ready too.

• Relax. No one goes to school in nappies – your child will get there.

• Accidents are part of the process. Manage your reaction, and keep it light.

• Celebrate successes, but don’t make failures a big deal.

  
  

This isn’t a battle to win. It’s an adventure you’re taking together.

Practical potty training tips

• Set aside time: Dedicate a weekend to stay home and focus on toilet training.

• Choose the right gear: A potty, a toilet insert, or a step stool can help your child feel secure.

• Keep clothes simple: Loose clothing or special “big kid undies” make it easier (and help toddlers notice when they’re wet).

• Offer reminders: Ask every 20–40 minutes if they’d like to try. If they say no, that’s fine. If they have an accident, you’ll learn their timing.

• Make it fun: Read a book together while they sit, let them flush and wave goodbye to their wees and poos, or play silly games like aiming at toilet paper (especially fun for boys!).

• Stay positive: Cheer, clap, phone the grandparents – celebrate those wins!

When things don’t go as planned

If it’s not working, don’t force it. Pop the nappies back on and try again in a few weeks. Remember – this is a developmental process, not a race.

The big picture

Toilet training is just one of many skills your toddler is learning, alongside zipping up coats, using cutlery, or helping fold washing. All of these take practice, patience, and encouragement.

Most importantly, toilet training is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your child. When they feel supported, safe, and celebrated, they’ll grow in confidence and independence.

And yes – eventually, every child gets there!