A New Approach to Try When Children Ignore You

You’re just about to put dinner out on the table so you ask your pre-schooler to put away his toy trains and join you in the kitchen. He mumbles in response or says nothing at all, but when you head out to the living room, the trains are everywhere.

It happens often with kids around this age. Sometimes interactions aren’t great — you feel you’re struggling to connect with them or that you’re being outright ignored. So what can you do?


Try the UDEC techniqueYelling at your little one hasn’t worked. They might act as though they haven’t heard you at all, or they might swing around their train set a bit more aggressively. At this age, children are becoming more independent. They start tuning out things they don’t want to hear, so try not to get annoyed if you feel you’re being outright ignored.

However, if you’re ready to change technique, try the “up close and personal” UDEC approach.

• U is for Up Close. This is about speaking with your child when you’re in the same room as him, rather than shouting through walls.
  
• D is for Down at Their Level. Kneel down so you’re in the eye-line of your child.
  
• E is for Eye Contact. When he’s busy with his train sets (or he’s angry at you for daring to pull him away to eat dinner), establishing eye contact might be difficult at first. Try giving him a tickle so he laughs and naturally makes eye contact, and be sure to keep your own eyes gentle and friendly.
  
• C is for Calm Voice. Yes - even if you’re sick of asking the same question. Keeping your voice calm will encourage your child to be more receptive, and prevent more stress from building. Take some deep breaths if you’re struggling to maintain a calm tone.
  

Why can UDEC be effective?Put simply, you’re taking extra steps to encourage engagement from your child. Repeatedly yelling through a wall can just make them feel as though you’re angry, and the message gets weaker when it’s said over and over.

Taking the stress out of the situation often encourages a more positive response from your child. It keeps the mood a little lighter and has the potential to get our kids on board with whatever we’re asking. 
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How to respond when your preschooler ignores youIn addition to practising the UDEC approach, the way you phrase your requests can play a big part in triggering the right kind of response.

1. Be clear in your request. Aim to use specific requests that won’t cause confusion. For example “Clean up the living room” is too vague, but “Put your toy trains in the box” is more realistic. 
   
2. Keep your requests simple. Preschoolers respond best to instructions that only have around 2-3 steps. Avoid overcomplicating things.
   
3. Explain why you’ve asked him to do something. It’s tempting to reply to the “why?” with “Because I said so!” Instead, explain your reasoning and see if that motivates him to take action. For example, “If you tidy up your trains now, we’ll have space for story time later.”
   
4. Compliment him when he does something well. Compliments and encouragement go far. For example, try telling him how well-behaved he’s been all day before asking him to tidy up his trains.
   

We’re here to support you on your parenting journey. If you have any questions or want to enquire about our Kids’ Kampus Childcare Centre, give us a call on ​​(09) 630 1454.

Blog written with inspiration from https://parentingplace.nz/.

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